PLOTS Holes
by Aozora Azul
Summary: Multi-crossover. Lorelei finds an author-created character and knows she has to get rid of it before it steals the story. Not like the vile author is going to just let her do that.
1. If it's a Mary Sue, I'm leaving!

**Prologue**

The koi swam contentedly, oblivious and unaware of the event that was about to occur. 

Then a flash of blinding light pierced through the serenity of the underwater scene, and where there had not been before floated the body of a human female, bobbing up and down with the waves that its sudden appearance had created. 

And the fish were smart enough to know that this did not bode well. 
    
    
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    P L O T S H O L E S
    by Aozora Azul
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[All pertinent disclaimers are at the end of the episode] 

**Episode One - "If it's a Mary Sue, I'm leaving! Psychadelic songs can be inspiring!"**

Lorelei had read fanfiction before. This is why she was nervous. 

The fact that the girl lying unconscious on the infirmary cot was human--rather than an all new, maiden circuit-equipped marionette that came from nowhere--did not ease her worries, because there was still the possibilty that the girl could have psychic powers, or be in charge of a kids-only starfleet, or something else equally terrifying. 

While tending to the gardens, Lorelei had found the girl floating face-down in the koi pond at Castle Japoness, and had to shoo away the multicolored fish to keep from nibbling at the body. Much to her relief, the girl was still alive, so Lorelei took her to the castle's infirmary (with the assistance of Baiko, who had to carry the girl because she was too heavy to be carried by anyone else besides she or Tamasaburo.) 

Now the girl had been resuscitated, dried off, and hooked up to countless monitors. It wasn't that anything was wrong with her--the only notable injury was a mild contusion on the back of the head--but Lorelei didn't want to take any chances. She was looking for a sign--a sign that the girl might be a--a--a-- 

"Okay! I'll say it! A _Mary Sue!_" Lorelei shuddered. 

**[Scene change! Whee!]**

"All these feminine pronouns are confusing, nyo!" Dejiko moaned while working at Gamers in Akihabara. The last few paragraphs, with all of its 'shes' and 'hers', were worded rather awkwardly, in her opinion. 

"That's why Puchiko refers to Puchiko as 'Puchiko,' nyu," Puchiko replied dryly. 

"That's too repetitive, gema!" Gema argued. 

"Quiet, nyo!" Dejiko said as she fired her eye-beam at the yellow blob. Gema promptly exploded. 

"Pyo pyo pyo pyo pyo," Piyoko chuckled. "It is easiest for the evil to sneak in when the 'good guys' are fighting, pyo." 

"Piyoko! What are you doing here, nyo?!" Dejiko demanded. 

"Oh, I just wanted to give you a present, pyo," Piyoko smiled innocently. 

"It's a trick, nyu," Puchiko warned. 

But Dejiko was too flattered to listen. "Nyo? A present for Dejiko, nyo? What is it, nyo?" 

"It's...THIS, PYO! MOUTH-BAZOOKA!" Piyoko's mouth, in a Jagger-esque facial contortion, stretched into a square shape and fired an enormous energy blast in Dejiko's direction. Dejiko was able to dodge easily, but as a result part of the store was obliterated. 

"NYO! Look what you're doing to the store, nyo! But I won't let you hurt it any more, nyo! Dejiko's gonna protect this store, nyo!" Dejiko pumped her fists like a boxer before a match. Then her eyes turned into yellow stars as she prepared to fire her eye-beam. 

"They never learn, nyu," said Puchiko, who was watching from a safe distance away and kawaiily sipping green tea. 

"What's going--oh, crap," Usada muttered, her rabbit ears seeming to droop in defeat. She had been getting some model kits out of the back room to restock the shelves and had no hint that the cat-girl and the panda-girl were at it again, minus the jolt she felt when said panda-girl's mouth-bazooka made impact. 

"Good thing I have that insurance," the simplistically-drawn Manager said, a sweatdrop hanging from his brow. 

"What insurance?" asked Usada. She could have sworn she heard a duck quacking. 

"You know," said the Manager. "That insurance for your business when Dejiko-chan accidentally demolishes it." 

"Okay...but what insurance is that?" Usada asked again. Again she thought she heard the quacking of a duck. 

"Enough of the product placement, nyu," murmured Puchiko. "The readers are getting bored, nyu." She then went off to get more tea, as she had finished her current cup. 

Meanwhile, a shadowy figure lurked behind the shelves, watching all that was taking place in the store. An evil smirk crossed its face. _Yes_, it said to itself. _They will do nicely. But I must make more observation first._ Then the shadowy figure vanished. And while that ominous interlude still lingers on our minds... 

**[Ohoho! Scene change!]**

"Hey, Grandpa Gennai! Whatcha doin'?" Lime asked, a curious smile on her face. 

Gennai looked up from his work to look at the energetic girl with long blue hair and deep green eyes. The old man was apparently working on some kind of machine, and a big one at that. It looked like it could be some sort of transportation vehicle. Most notable about the vehicle, however, was its vivid yellow color. "I'm working on my new invention, Lime-chan. I'm not nearly done with it yet, though." 

"Oh...so, what is your invention?" Lime looked at the very large, very yellow structure behind Gennai and nearly thought she heard a man singing. 

Gennai stroked his long beard thoughtfully. "That, Lime-chan, is a secret...for now. But it involves the sea, and when I'm done with it, we'll all go to the sea and try it out." 

Lime's smile widened with anticipation. "The sea! The sea! I wanna go to the sea!" 

"Okay, but I'll have to finish this first," Gennai gave Lime a smile. 

"Okay! See ya later, Grandpa Gennai!" Lime then skipped off, her shoes making their trademark sqeaking sound. "The sea, the sea..." 

"Bye, Lime-chan!" Gennai smiled again and returned to work. _I can't wait to get this done,_ Gennai thought to himself. _Riding in this will be so much fun._

Meanwhile, back at Castle Japoness... 

Lorelei noticed that the girl she had discovered in the koi pond was stirring. _Please let her be normal, please let her be normal,_ Lorelei prayed to invisible gods. 

Awakening with a start, the girl opened her eyes and regarded the auburn-haired scientist standing by the cot in which she lay. "Hunh...where am I...who are you?" 

"I'm Dr. Lorelei. I'm the one who found you floating in Castle Japoness's koi pond and saved you from drowning. Right now you're in the infirmary." _Disorientation--that's a good sign,_ Lorelei told herself. "By the way, you're not named after the author, are you?" 

**End Episode One**

_Saber Marionette J_ belongs to Akahori Satoru, Kotobuki Tsukasa, Bandai, and many others. I'm only doing this for fun and not for profit, because I don't want to be on the receiving end of a lawsuit. 

_DiGi Charat_ belongs to Koge Donbo, Broccoli, and plenty others. I'm getting no money from this, so you'll be getting no money from me! By suing, I mean. 

**Omake Theater! Wai wai!**

_[Scene: Otaru's apartment. Lime, Cherry and Bloodberry are sitting around the table, hard at work. On the table are various drawing utensils and paper. Scattered around the apartment are numerous manga volumes opened to random pages. Lime looks up to greet the camera.]_

Lime: Hey everyone! Cherry and Bloodberry and I are making a shoujo manga together! 

Bloodberry: Since there's no shoujo manga on Terra II yet, we decided we'd make the planet's first comic aimed for the female audience. 

Cherry (holding a _Fruits Basket_ Manga): Hopefully we will be able to put a lot of romance into the story and draw beautiful artwork into every frame! I am looking at this shoujo manga from Earth and am getting very inspired by it. 

Lime: It's gonna be a magical girl story! 

Cherry and Bloodberry: WHAT!? 

Lime: Yeah! And each of us has control over an element! Since I was surrounded by light when I awoke, I have control over fire! And since Cherry was sleeping in the bathroom, she has control over water! And since Bloodberry came from a statue, she has control over earth! 

Bloodberry: ... 

Cherry: Now wait just a minute, Lime... 

_[As the girls start to bicker, the camera pans over to Otaru, who is watching the girls with a smile on his face.]_

Otaru: Well, somebody's got to start the shoujo genre on Terra II. Who better than them? 

Hanagata: Otaru-kuuuuun! 

Otaru: Ack! Hanagata! Where'd you come from? 

Hanagata: You know, Otaru-kun, a lot of these shoujo manga feature relationships between two males... 

Otaru: Ugh! No thanks, Hanagata! 

_[Suddenly, the three girls glare at Hanagata.]_

Hanagata: N-now d-don't look at me like that...ladies? 

_[Cut to shot of the roof of Otaru's apartment, where Hanagata comes flying out and into the distance.]_

Hanagata: Hanagata Mitsurugi, with the power of fliiiiiiight...*sparkle* 

**Preview of Next Episode**

Hey all! Emily here. Apparently I fell through some sort of hole and ended up on this weird planet. What? You know how I can get home? I have to do _what_ to get there? This reminds me of a Beatles song. Join me on the next episode of PLOTS Holes: "To the green sea! In the town where I was born." Please look forward to it. ^_^ 


	2. To the green sea! In the town where I wa...

**Prologue**

Emily looked at the girl sitting in the plush leather executive office chair. She looked exactly like her, only the other girl looked more smug, and was wearing an expensive-looking sport jacket with her boot-cut blue jeans. Emily was sitting in a much less remarkable office chair, looking uneasily across the polished wood executive desk at this girl, who was none other than the Author. 

"I--I don't want to do this; readers don't like author inserts." Emily wrung her hands nervously. 

"Of course they do," said the author, making a thorough inspection of her fingernails. "Otherwise they wouldn't write self-inserts themselves." 

"B-but--" 

"No buts! You're going to be a major character and plot device in my new fanfic," the author looked up long enough to give Emily a wicked smile and pick up the mallet for her executive office desk gong. "Have a nice day!" And at the sound of the gong, Emily woke up in the infirmary of Castle Japoness. 
    
    
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[All pertinent disclaimers are at the end of the episode] 

**Recap!**

¡Hola amigos! In our last episode, Lorelei found Emily floating in the koi pond, Gennai was building something reminiscent of the psychadelic 1960's, and Dejiko and Piyoko were unknowingly setting themselves up for disaster. How is this all going to get solved?! If you're expecting to find out in this episode, maybe you shouldn't... 

**Episode Two - "To the green sea! In the town where I was born"**

Lorelei observed data on an array of computer monitors while Emily fidgeted with the sleeve of her borrowed kimono. Emily had always wanted to wear a kimono, but for some reason it just wasn't right. 

"Um...Dr. Lorelei? When will my clothes be done drying?" 

"Soon, Emily. Right now I'm looking for something." 

"What?" 

"I said--" 

"No; I mean, what are you looking for?" 

"Oh." Lorelei sweatdropped. "I'm looking for a hole in the data. Any holes in the data mean that there is a hole in the Plasmatic Lineation Of Time and Space." 

Emily's train of thought grinded to a halt. "Huh?" 

"The fabric that holds time and space within a certain continuum is made of plasma, which is woven in lines like thread," Lorelei explained. "As universes expand and change shape, sometimes the stress on the fabric holding the universe together is so great that tiny holes are made. Usually the holes mend themselves so quickly that the holes have no effect on the universe. However, in very rare instances, a hole cannot mend itself, and something can fall through the hole and be transported form one universe to another. People could even fall through these holes, in theory, and end up in a totally different universe. I believe that in your case, you fell through one of these holes in the Plasmatic Lineation Of Time and Space, and that is why you are here." 

Crickets could be heard chirping as Lorelei's explanation failed to register in Emily's mind. 

"You fell through a PLOTS Hole," Lorelei said in frustration. "And now I'm looking for another PLOTS Hole through which you might be able to travel back to your home universe." 

"Oh," Emily mumbled. "...OH!" The message finally registered, somewhat. "Some plot device brought me here, and some other plot device will take me home!" 

"Yes; that's the gist of it," Lorelei replied. 

Suddenly something beeped on the console in front of Lorelei, notifying her that the computer had found what the she had been looking for. Lorelei typed a command, and the main screen displayed a map of Terra II. Another command, and a point had been plotted on a large body of water. 

"The computer found a PLOTS Hole here," Lorelei stated, pointing at the point on the map. "The only problem is, it's underwater, so you'd need some vehicle to get there." 

"Vehicle...?" 

**[Bweeheehee! Scene change!]**

Lina stared for a moment at the mug in front of her. It was filled with an ominous-looking brown translucent liquid, with tiny bubbles rising to its surface. And she was supposed to drink it? "Exactly what is this stuff, Amelia?" 

Amelia was surprised that Lina would ask such a thing. "It's really good, Lina-san! Honest! It has a really delicious sweet taste to it, and it has a lot of energy!" 

"What about these bubbles?" Lina pointed a gloved finger at the accumulation of said bubbles at the top of the so-called beverage. 

"That's the carbonation, or the 'fizz'. It gives this wonderful tingly feeling as it's going down. C'mon, just try it, Lina-san!" 

"I thought you were always eager to try new things," Zelgadis stated between sips of tea. 

"Not when the new thing could be some sort of mind-altering poison!" Lina protested. "Have you ever had this 'cola' stuff before, Zel?" 

"Once, but the flavor was too sweet for my liking," Zelgadis replied. 

"Can I try it, Lina?" Gourry asked. 

"Sure, Gourry. You try it." Lina slowly pushed the mug away from her and toward her enthusiastic blond companion. Gourry eagerly received the mug and emptied its contents into his mouth. _If anyone could drink that brew and live to tell about it, it would be Gourry_, Lina thought. 

"Hey! This 'cola' stuff is really good!" Gourry proclaimed. "Can I have another _[BURP!]_ ?" 

"Gourry-san! That's not very polite!" Amelia chided. 

"It was the bubbles!" Gourry explained. "They came back up again!" 

Somehow, this finally convinced Lina. "Waiter! One more of these 'cola' drinks!" Soon a mug was placed on the table and she took a gulp. "Hey! This stuff's pretty good!" The rest of the cola was down her throat in an eyeblink. 

And that is how cola became the new favorite beverage of Lina Inverse. But what does that have to do with this story? 

**[Haha! I'm not telling! Scene change back to Japoness!]**

Lorelei and Emily sat at a table with Otaru, Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry, discussing the PLOTS Hole situation. Lorelei had invited Otaru and his marionettes to Castle Japoness on the grounds that she needed the extra brainpower and insight to solve Emily's problem, but she really just wanted to see them, since she, as the planet's only female, was usually cooped up in the castle under lock and key by Tamasaburo and Baiko, and had virtually no contact with her four friends. Emily was silently glad that she got the opportunity to meet them, since she shared the thoughts and memories of the Author and with that the desire to meet these famous characters. 

"A vehicle to travel beneath the ocean?" Cherry inquired. 

Lorelei nodded. "At first I thought a submarine would work, but--" 

"What's a submarine?" Lime asked. 

"It's a kind of sandwich in New Texas," Bloodberry joked. "Sometimes they're called hoagies--" 

"I believe Lorelei-san means an undersea boat," Cherry said, unamused. "It looks like this..." Cherry took a sheet of paper and a pencil and quickly sketched out a rather accurate picture of a submarine. 

Lime took a quick look at the sketch and realized she'd seen something like it somewhere before. "That's what Grandpa Gennai's building!" She exclaimed. "He's building a great big yellow submarine!" 

"A yellow submarine?" Lorelei asked with a giggle. 

"What's so funny?" Otaru asked. 

"Nothing," Lorelei replied. "It's just...a long time ago, there was a musical group on Earth that once sang a song about a yellow submarine. Do you know that song, Emily? You said you were from Earth." 

Emily was startled a bit, since it had been a while since anything had been directed at her. "Uh...yes, I do." 

"That sounds like a funny song!" Lime said. "I wanna hear it!" 

"You say you are from Earth?" Cherry asked. "What is it like?" 

"Hasn't Lorelei ever told you about Earth? She's from Earth, isn't she?" Emily was a bit nervous; she didn't really want the story to center around her. _Readers didn't like that_, she told herself. 

"I don't think the author will progress the story until you describe Earth a little bit," Lorelei whispered into Emily's ear. 

Emily sweatdropped. "O-okay...Well, I can't really describe the whole Earth, but I can tell you about the town where I come from. The town is on a river, and a whole lot of bridges cross the river to connect the town to other towns. Lining a lot of the streets are these tall trees whose branches look like big green feathers. An inventor planted many of the trees a long time ago. It never snows there," Emily sighed, "but people from the north like to live there in the winter, kind of like birds that fly south. If you go west, the river flows into the sea--er, I mean, the Gulf--and there are all these tiny islands right off the shore, where some people like to live. It's an odd little city, I suppose." 

"And we're going to try to send you back," Lorelei said with a gentle smile. _Whether you like it or not._ "Perhaps we can borrow Gennai's submarine, and we can 'sail on to the sun,' until we find 'a sea of green.'" Her voice was picking up a singsong quality. 

"Yeah! Let's go to the green sea so Emily can go back to her home where the funny trees are!" Lime exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air. 

"Well, it does sound like it could be fun," Otaru said. 

"It would be a new adventure to have with you, Otaru," Bloodberry said affectionately while putting an arm around Otaru. 

"And Otaru-sama's not going anywhere without me!" Cherry said, also putting an arm around Otaru and pulling him away from Bloodberry. 

Lorelei weighed her options. She wanted to get out of the castle and have an adventure, but she knew Tamasaburo and Baiko wouldn't let her, plus she was still unsure of the consequences of Emily's presence in their universe. However, Lorelei's pioneering spirit that had brought her to Terra II on the _Mesopotamia_ in the first place won out. "I'll go, too," she said finally. 

And so it was set: Lorelei, Otaru, Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry were going to accompany the Author's insert, Emily, on a journey to send her back home. 

**[But the Author wasn't too pleased!]**

Meanwhile, seated at her expensive executive chair, the Author had finished reading the fanfic so far. 

"Grr...that little..." she growled, balling her hand into a fist. "How can she be so _modest_? Well, I'll just have to tangle up the storyline to make it even more convoluted!" She snickered. "Not like anyone is reading this, anyway. I'll win yet! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Laughing a maniacal laugh, the Author proceeded to write another chapter of her Insert's saga. 

**End Episode Two**

_Saber Marionette J_ is property of Akahori Satoru, Kotobuki Tsukasa, and others. If it belonged to me, you'd know. ;_; 

_Slayers_ is property of Kanzaka Hajime, Araizumi Rui, and others. I don't own it, and I didn't sell it on eBay (which also doesn't belong to me). 

"Yellow Submarine" is a song by the Beatles. I don't have the rights to it; I'm just a fan. 

**Leave it to Gema Gema!**

Gema _[Osaka dialect--or at least my version of it]_: Hey y'all, gema! It's the part of the show y'all've been waitin' for, gema! Have y'all young'n's been doin' your homework, gema? Good, gema! Now, I reckon it's time to start today's segment, gema. This time around I'm showin' y'all DiGi Charat's battle costume, gema! 

Dejiko: I don't have a battle costume, nyo! 

Puchiko: Gema stole this segment from another show, nyu. 

_[On the screen appears a picture of Dejiko in her usual outfit.]_

Gema: Here we have Dejiko's battle costume, gema. Her dark blue dress and white apron give the outfit a classical look, gema. Don't you think she looks like a maid, gema? Perfect, since she works at Gamers, gema. Also, notice the cat motif, gema. She's got white cat paws, a white cat tail, white cat feet, and even a white hat with cat ears, gema! 

Usada: He should be showing off my costume, the costume of Rabi~en~Rose, Gamers's Number One Idol! 

Dejiko: Yeah right, Usada. 

Usada: Shut up! And don't call me Usada! 

Puchiko: Gema should show Puchiko's costume next, nyu. 

Gema: ...And now, GEMA GEMA CHECK! _[Screen shows a close-up of the bell under Dejiko's chin with the caption _"Point"_.]_ Dejiko has one bell under her chin and two larger bells under her cat ears, gema. This adds on to her cute kitten motif, gema. _[Scene cuts to Gema holding a pipe for smoking and wearing a pink bow tie.]_ How was it, gema? Now you know all about Dejiko's cute battle costume, gema! Look forward to this segment-- _[Approaching Gema from either side of the screen are Hokke Mirin--walking sideways, of course--and Majin Gappa. Gema sweatdrops.]_ What are you doing, gema?!? _[Hokke Mirin and Majin Gappa tackle Gema to the ground.]_ GEMA!! 

_[Scene cuts to Usada and Puchiko giving each other a high-five.]_

Usada: We did it! 

Puchiko: That's what Gema gets for infringing on copyrights, nyu. 

**Preview for Next Episode**

Hi! Emily here again. While we here in Japoness prepare for our trip, Puchiko is causing a ruckus at Gamers! Huh? Who's that mysterious guy Piyoko's talking to? And how did _they_ get there? All these crossovers are starting to hurt my head. Next time: "Two Puchikos!? The secret alliance." Don't miss it! ^_^ 


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